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+ Over the mountains and the sea
why did i think that id be in the same class as my close friends next year?
why did i assume that when i had to go for OBS, it'd be with niners 06?
why did i imagine that when i graduated from nanyang, id be with the niners 06?
it turns out ur own thoughts, assumptions and imagination can turn around and stab you in the back.
turns out, maybe that saying is true, that maybe, just maybe, you can't trust anyone or anything, not your friends, not your thoughts, not even your teddy bear, can't trust anyone except yourself, because anything and everything can change.
and from how i look at it, actually you can't trust yourself either. how can you trust your lips? how can you trust your heart? how can you trust your emotions? how can you trust your judgement?
when the second hand reaches into 2007, all these nightmares will turn into reality. all these - it'll be REAL, not just some information on a piece of ppr.
NINERS
form teachers - gone
students - separated
whats left?
memories.
memories that fade, starting with emotions at a particular memory, then with details, then one day you'll forget everything altogether.
your daughter, perhaps 20, 30 years down the road, might ask, 'what class were you in in sec two mummy?'
a totally innocent question.
one that leaves you dumb and unable to answer. you rack your brains, you strain and sift back through all those years. but unless some genius can capture time and make an actual working time machine, all these seconds ticking by - they're gone. Forever.
im so afraid that one day i'll not be able to recall the times we had as a class. i was in 209. we had a... food and funfair. it was on my birthday. was it fun? i dont remember. i THINK so. what did we sell? lemonade i think. or was it apple juice or ribena? i cant remember.
i dont want to reach that stage.
and i know i will.
on the last day of p6, i remb i cried. i remb i was sad. but how did it FEEL like? i dont remb. i cant remb. why was i so upset? because i was leaving my friends. understandable. but i cant remb how it FELT like.
you see a cute guy walk past on the street and your heart races and you tell your friends about it. half an hour later, no, even 10 minutes later, that feeling is gone, and no matter how hard you try, you just cant bring it back.
thats how fast emotions fade.
i wonder how fast friendship fades?
i wonder how long it will take before i will remember: oh, my best friends then were ziyan and zhenping. but i cant remb what we did together. heck, i cant even remb how close we were.
i wonder how much time will pass before i'll think: oh, today is ziyan's birthday! i shld wish her a happy birthday. and 5 minutes later forget all abt it, and not even have wished her happy birthday.
i wonder.
9 years later, how much will we all have changed? to the extent we find it awkward talking to one another, because we're almost total strangers? i doubt we'll be able to pick up so easily, from where we left off. i doubt we'll be able to fit in like wearing an old glove, because the glove wont fit us anymore. because we'll have grown so much. maybe that glove wont even BE there.
i dont know what that glove is, btw.
im such a skeptic.
omg i'll really miss you all.
i really want to hold tight and not let go.
friendship stays all right. i can still see a pri sch friend and say hi! but we dont talk, we dont have anything to talk about, we dont remember what we used to talk about.
will that happen to us?
am i the only one who MINDS that all this will be over?
deborah is getting too emotional.
on the other note, my aunt went home:so muffy's out the cupboard. not good. i might cry on him:\ NOT good.
i wonder if ziyan is upset.
i wonder if zhenping is upset.
then i turn back around and look in the mirror -
maybe i shouldnt be.